Jan. 21 ‑ Feb. 19
Financial change is in your future. Take that stack of unpaid bills and toss them in the shredder. Then find a way to get off the grid.
Feb. 20 ‑ Mar. 20
I really don’t have time to deal with you, Pisces. I have bigger fish to fry.
Mar. 21 ‑ Apr. 20
If the stars fell out of the sky, things would still look great for you. You are the Avengers: Endgame of human beings.
Apr. 21 ‑ May 21
You shouldn’t let the fact that your name appeared in Jeffrey Epstein’s little black book upset you too much.
May 22 ‑ June 21
You thought August was bad? Wait till you see what’s in store for September.
June 22 ‑ July 22
The stars are laughing at you behind your back.
July 23 ‑ Aug. 23
I’d tell you the upcoming two weeks were looking really good for you, Leo, but I’d be lion.
Aug. 24 ‑ Sept. 23
Not looking good, Virgo. Time to book that space shuttle trip you’ve been thinking about for years.
Sept. 24 ‑ Oct. 23
You’re as great as they come, Libra. No need to read Beachcomber’s Horrorscopes to affirm that.
Oct. 24 ‑ Nov. 22
Sometime in August, your dogs will come to the realization that they absolutely do not like you. Get ready.
Nov. 23 ‑ Dec. 21
Stop looking to the planets and stars for guidance and focus on more earthbound concerns. Did you know Burger King was selling tacos now?
Dec. 22 ‑ Jan. 20
As always, the end is near. It’s just nearer for you than most folks.