By Dawn Bright
I love tacos and noticed tickets are on sale now for a Tequila & Taco Fest at HarborWalk Village. The problem is my wife. She doesn’t like tacos and she doesn’t like tequila. Is it reasonable to expect her to go with me, or should I go alone?
– Mark N. from Destin
I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your wife, Mark, so it’s difficult to answer your question. If you have the kind of relationship where you support each other in different endeavors, she’ll probably gladly go. But if you routinely go your own way, and she’s okay with that, you should simply go alone.
There’s nothing worse than going to a festival where you can’t find anything to eat or drink that you like. I’m not a big beer drinker, for example, so every time my boyfriend brings up a beer festival I cringe. What am I supposed to do, smuggle in my own bottle of wine? Actually, that’s not a bad idea. They have all kinds of neat smuggling-in gadgets these days.
Here’s what you should do: Buy your wife one of those smuggling-in wine bras with a long built-in straw, and then she can covertly drink wine to her heart’s content while you throw back tequila. Just be sure you Uber home since you’ll both be two sheets under when the day is over.
The other night my boyfriend casually mentioned he would never move to where the weather was cold. It sounded like he was considering moving, so I questioned him about it. He answered that he wasn’t planning to move, but if he “had to” move, like if he were in the Witness Protection Program, he wouldn’t move to an area with cold weather. I thought he was being funny, but I started thinking about it and now I’m wondering if there’s something I don’t know. What should I do?
– Shelley P. from Chipley
Well, Shelley, if my boyfriend casually mentioned the Witness Protection Program, I think I’d be a little alarmed too. What would make that come to mind? What has he been involved in that you don’t know about? Your question actually got me all jacked up, so I asked my own boyfriend if he was a part of the Witness Protection Program. Needless to say, he thought I had lost my mind, and his bemused reaction quickly brought me back to earth.
I’m sure if your boyfriend really were in the program he wouldn’t have mentioned it. He’d just quietly move away and that would be the end of that. So forget about it. Sounds like he was just trying to be funny, and you can’t blame the guy for trying!
My husband bought me the biggest box of chocolates I’ve ever seen in my life for Valentine’s Day. If I ate one a day for a year, I’d still have some left over. How long do you think I can eat these chocolates before they go bad?
– Pamela C. from Niceville
Why would you only eat one chocolate a day? That seems weird to me. But in answer to your question, the chocolates will be okay for anywhere from six months to two years. As it turns out, it’s hard for candy to spoil, due to its low moisture content, but it depends on the type of candy.
But rather than just eating one a day and taking forever to eat them, knock them out in a couple of months! Let’s pretend you have 360 pieces of Valentine’s Day candy to deal with. Take that number, divide it by the number of days in two months, around 60, and the result is you’d need to eat six chocolates a day to empty that box. Six chocolates a day seems reasonable.
And what a lucky lady you are to have such a thoughtful husband. I didn’t get ANY chocolate for Valentine’s Day. I did get an exquisitely delicious bottle of port, though, which I consumed in one night. What? I didn’t want it to go bad!
Dawn Bright is an eternal optimist. And that’s pretty much all you need to know about her. Email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.