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Saturday, February 2nd, 2013

Opening Remarks - Beachcomberland’s Mayor for Life Weighs in on the Hot Button Issues of the Day

As longtime readers are well aware, I have appointed myself Mayor for Life of Beachcomberland (which includes Destin, Fort Walton Beach, South Walton, all of 30A, Navarre and sometimes Pensacola, especially when there’s a good show at the Vinyl Music Hall).

With this in mind, I’ve decided to share my two cents about some of the most pressing issues facing our community. I’m not afraid to court controversy, since I don’t have to worry about running for reelection.

The Proposed Strip Club on Airport Road in Destin. I’m inclined to think the folks that want to open the so-called “adult cabaret” (that’ll bring the Liza and Satchmo fans in at a minimum, yes?) are within the laws, zoning requirements, etc. Still, many sensible people are concerned that such an establishment would bring in unsavory characters. I respect this viewpoint but would also like to point out that you can find unsavory characters at any local Walmart store if you stop in after midnight.

My official position is, if this place ever sees the light of day, you should not go there. If you want adult entertainment, stop by Sammy’s on Okaloosa Island. They are longtime clients of ours and pay their bills on time.

By the way, the worst thing about living on Airport Road isn’t a will-it-or-won’tit-happen nudie bar. It’s still the airport.

Sheriff’s Deputies in Our Schools. If it makes the kids safer, I’m all for it. And yes, it is disgusting that you have to go to such extremes because of one individual crackpot’s actions.

Mr. Racist Over on Beal Parkway in Fort Walton Beach. Beachcomber Music Awards nominee Nik Flagstar and his pals were planning a peaceful protest as this issue was going to press. The event was to take place across the street from Lowe’s where a certain idiotic property owner has large signs posted that are guaranteed to offend anyone in his or her right mind.

My man Nik and his crew are exercising their constitutional right to peaceful assembly, and I applaud them. But Mr. Headuphisass seems to be well within his First Amendment rights, too, and if you hate the ACLU now, wait ‘til they step up to defend this guy.

Another good idea would be to make Mr. Racist watch Quentin Tarantino’s brilliant slavery epic Django Unchained, only do it Clockwork Orange style. You know, strapped to a chair, eyelids pried open. Nothing unreasonable about that.

Feel free to hate those signs, friends. I do. But vandalizing them (as some folks have done recently) is not the answer. I mean, if you’re a minority and someone says something you don’t like or even looks at you funny, should you spray paint his or her face?

Actually, that’s not such a bad idea…

Love, Christopher

BEACHCOMBER MUSIC AWARDS 2013... Our fifth gala honoring Beachcomberland’s best and brightest is set for Monday, March 4, at John Wehner’s Village Door in the Village of Baytowne Wharf. Doors open at 7, and the first band will rock the stage starting at 8. Make plans now to take a sick day Tuesday, March 5. Musicians—if you’d like to perform at the event, contact us immediately.

A FREE pre-awards event is set for Wednesday, Feb. 6, at the Beal Street Bottle Club (winner, Best Live Music Venue, 2010-11) in Fort Walton Beach starting at 7. Everyone is invited—bring your own bottle, grab some delicious eats from the Beal Street Deli, and enjoy! Big thanks to Gwen and EdMo Lanier for hosting our pre-event event.

Keep up with the latest news at www.facebook.com/BeachcomberMusicAwards.

MORE STUFF FOR YOUR IPAD, IPHONE, IBALLS... The FREE Beachcomber app brings the best of the Emerald Coast’s music, art, theater, literary scene and more to your iPad, iPhone and iPad Touch. If you don’t have any of the aforementioned devices, buy them all so you can download our app. Or do like the Beachcomber Editor did—convince your boss you need one for work. (In this case, “work” consists of playing games, listening to music and watching movies.)

If we run into you while we’re out and about and you show us that you’ve downloaded it to your device, we will give you a fabulous prize, too! Or just a hug. Or maybe both…

WE LIKE YOU RIGHT BACK!... Cody Copeland, Katy Long, Islam Kamal, Mary Rudder, Teressa Gross, Trisha Gaffney, Maryann Wilson, Ronald Demanuele, Denise Smith, Kimberly Johnson, Christopher McClure, Kevin Korman, Linda Anne Buehler, Rose Bridges, Donald Morgan, Kevin Gaddie, Elizabeth Shawl-Hall, Ryan Hildebrandt, Doc Voodoo, Dvdj Boom, Emily Anne and Kathryn Lynn Fisher are just some of the great people who “like” the official Beachcomber page on Facebook.

If you’ve “friended” us as Beachcomber Destin (or tried to—sorry, they max out at 5,000), please “like” our page, too, at www.facebook.com/beachcomberdestinfl and drink in up-to-the-minute info, giveaways, videos and much more! We may even put your name in the paper to fill up space.

We’re also on Google+ now (under Beachcomber Destin), if you’re brave enough to give it a try.

The most embarrassing photo of Beachcomber Editor Chris Manson we could dredge up. If you have one that’s worse, please keep it to yourself.