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Thursday, January 19th, 2012
Editorial

Opening Remarks - This Is the Place to Be Infestin'

Inspired by the Walton County Tourist Development Council’s recent payment of $75,000 to Susanna Hoffs for a promotional song, the Destin Tourism Industry (DTI) hired Bunky Wonky to pen a tune for the World’s Luckiest Fishing Village.

Wonky is the wildly popular composer and singer of last fall’s big hit single “Don’t Be Ashamed of Yer Junk.” When he heard about the Hoffs deal, he remarked that he would have “let the TDC use ‘Junk’ for 50 thousand and saved ‘em 25 grand.”

The DTI agreed to pay Wonky $39 for the use of his tune “Infestin’ Destin” in advertising materials. The catchy choruses of Wonky’s early demo won over even the city’s most jaded music critics:

We’re blessed in Destin All the tourists are infestin’ Destin Suck in your gut and push out your chest in Destin

Here, the story gets interesting. Patrick Wilson of Beachcomber Music Award nominated Cadillac Willy was enlisted to play steel guitar on the recording in exchange for Wonky retweeting Wilson’s real estate listings. After Wilson discovered Wonky only had 17 followers on Twitter, he bowed out, as did Blue Lew, Homemadesoul, Billy Garrett, “Catfish,” Howlin’ Jack, and many others.

But Wonky pressed on. He was short on funds for the video, so he took his guitar down to the nearest Tom Thumb, walked up to the counter, and sang to the security camera. After presenting a VHS copy of the song/video to the DTI, he collected a check for $39 that he promptly cashed at Dodge’s Fried Chicken in Fort Walton Beach since he doesn’t have a bank account.

The DTI assemblage, after picking up a VCR at the Goodwill, was pleased with Wonky’s introductory verse (“My old lady’s head’s about to explode/Leave the kids at her mama’s and hit the road”), but then they got to this part:

There’s a party down at AJ’s Check out all the va-jay-jays

“Infestin’ Destin” was immediately scrapped as the Official Song of the Destin Tourism Industry. Several of the beefier DTI members tracked down the songwriter to get their 39 bucks back, but Wonky had already spent the money on beer and cigarettes.

This is mostly BS, but the TDC really did pay Hoffs’ people a boatload of money for what is at best a mediocre ditty. Any of our guys could have done a better job.

- CCM

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RIGHT: Beachcomber Editor Chris Manson with Nancy (“The Destin Dog”) Weidenhamer and a remarkably well-behaved Lilly (left) at the new Destin Dog Park.