Category - Horrorscopes

Aug. 9-22, 2018

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 ‑ Feb. 19 Long lost people in your past (people you hoped would stay in your past) come to visit. And they won’t leave. You won’t know what to do. You’d call the police if you could conjure up a crime. That’s a no-go. These people aren’t criminals—they’re just mind-numbingly boring...

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July 26-Aug. 8, 2018

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 ‑ Feb. 19 Waterboy. Always around, lightly benefiting others. Others who just want a little sip of water. Jeez. It’s a good thing you’re friendly around others, because it’ll be difficult being a friend to yourself when you realize how shallow life really is. PISCES Feb. 20 ‑ Mar...

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July 12-25, 2018

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 ‑ Feb. 19 You need to dress up in a sort-of parade outfit or pirate costume or something. Anything to draw attention to yourself. People have almost forgotten you exist. Do something really silly to at least let them know you still have a pulse. PISCES Feb. 20 ‑ Mar. 20 You like to...

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June 28-July 11, 2018

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 ‑ Feb. 19 Uranus is on the move. Groundbreaking changes are in store. Keep family and friends close, and experimentation in check. But be open to weird possibilities. PISCES Feb. 20 ‑ Mar. 20 This has been a laborious year. Nothing has come easy. Neptune is in Pisces, so work...

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June 14-27, 2018

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 ‑ Feb. 19 There is nothing logical or rational about the fact that YOU ARE NUMBER ONE!!! YOU WIN! You clobber everyone around you at everything you do. You are the winner of every contest. Success personified. PISCES Feb. 20 ‑ Mar. 20 You can read minds like some people read books...

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