We’ve been watching a lot of Shark Tank on CNBC lately. At first, we thought they were current episodes, until one of the people on the program starting talking about “this new Facebook thing that just came out.”
Which turned out to be a good thing, because Paula can Google (or Dogpile) these would-be entrepreneurs and find out if their big ideas ever amounted to a hill of cash. She’s very good at emailing me daily updates on how things panned out for the Season 1 through 3 hopefuls.
Sometimes it’s happy news, sometimes it makes me so doggone sad I resort to drinking the cheap hooch.
I never thought I’d like the show. Most of the wealthy businessmen and businesswomen I’ve ever encountered weren’t my kind of people—putting the almighty dollar above all else, spending millions on his and hers matching yachts, drinking some weird stuff called “craft beer.” Not that I wouldn’t want to be their pals, if they’d ever invite me out for golf or big game hunting or whatever rich people do for fun.
But I sure do like the sharks. They all seem like nice folks, even the bald white guy that sits in the middle and tries to come off like a total butthole. Lori, Mark, Whatshisname and Whatshername are all about maximum return on investment, that’s for sure, but I strongly suspect they drop a few coins into the Salvation Army bucket outside Publix at Christmastime, just like us regular people.
That’s why the Very Special Christmas Episode of Shark Tank broke my heart. Santa Claus came down all the way from the North Pole to seek $100,000 from the sharks for a two percent stake in the Workshop. He brought along a sexy female elf in leggings—one leg red, the other green, very Christmassy—to help make his case, to no avail.
Bald guy told Santa, “You are absolutely insane, Mr. Ho-ho-ho. You’re sales were zero last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. And—”
Mark Cuban interrupted. “You’re telling us your valuation is five million, and you haven’t made a profit in hundreds of years. You’re giving away toys for free. Tell you what. I will buy you out for 500 thousand dollars. I’ll subcontract the manufacturing, keep you on as a consultant for a minimum of 10 years at a salary of 200 thousand a year. Lori, you wanna go in on this deal with me?”
Lori Grandmarnier: “I think you need to be a little more selective about who you distribute these free toys to, Santa. Now I’ve loved you since I was a little girl, but I honestly cannot see how you’ve stayed in business all these centuries. I’ll partner with Mark, but we’re going to have to make some serious changes to how you’re running your operation.”
Santa thought about it for about half a second and graciously told these titans of the business world…
“I’m out. Merry Christmas, sharks!”
CALLING ALL MUSICIANS
Plans for the ninth Beachcomber Music Awards are underway. We will be accepting qualified nominees for all the categories from this year’s event (too many to list, but just search on beachcomberdestin.com). Email your info and all categories you’d like to be considered for to email@example.com.
A long nomination ballot with all qualified candidates will appear online later this month, and readers can vote for their top three in each category. And we’ll go from there.
Any musicians that would like to play at the event should contact us as well. Awards night scheduled for Monday, March 6, venue to be announced later.
DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS
In the last issue of The Beachcomber, we mistakenly reported that—in addition to their locations in Destin, Fort Walton Beach and Grayton Beach—AJ’s would be opening additional restaurants in Mossy Head, Laurel Hill and Milton. We apologize profanely for our incompetence.
- Art Classes & Workshops
- Art Events
- Art Galleries
- Call to Artists
- MKAF Outreach Makes History with Two-Week Artist Residency Program
- Author and Filmmaker Junger Takes Center Stage at NWF Reads
- Book Clubs
- Poetry Contest Winners Announced
- Recommended Reading
- Corner Wine Bar Offers Medley of Contrasting Tastes, Textures
- Restaurant Guide
- Sandestin Wine Festival – Come for the Wine, Stay for the Fun
- Where to Spend Your Happy Hours in Beachcomberland
- A Million Dollar Lineup for Bands of 30A’s April 14 Event
- Jazz on the Lawn at Destin Library with BMA Winner Cheryl Jones
- Live Music
- Stranger Things…
- The Pauseandplay.com Record Roundup
- Towne: The Records That Changed Our Lives
- VS. – The Battle of Record Store Day 2019
- Woody Still Matters
- Gumbo Fest Benefits Sandestin Kids
- NWF State College Part 1 – Big Wins for Marketing and PR Team
- NWF State College Part 2 – Collegiate High Schoolers Dominate at Math Bowl